You’re hiding for months
Dodging the seas
You spent the day scheming
And you’re a Houdini..

It’s getting closer and closer to my MCAT and I am really starting to get nervous. I know that panicking does me no good, because I can’t think straight when I do. How the heck am I going to relax during these next couple of weeks?! This is the home stretch, my friends. From here on in, it is sprinting to the finish line..

I don’t think I’ve ever been more nervous about any exam before. Not even the SATs made me feel so jittery when I had to take them! Good grief, this is killing me. It’s already interfering with my ability to sleep at night. Curse those four letters!

As you can see, I am positively insane right now, if I wasn’t when I first started studying. I’m looking forward to when it is all over, but at the same time I wish it would not come. Have any of you ever written a test like the MCAT before (ie: LSAT, GMAT, USMLE)?

Just before I run off again, I’d like to announce that I’ve added a new affiliate to the Volare section. Do pay a visit to Jackie. She has a lovely blog and site.

Cheers.

Season of illusions,
A pocket full of doubts
Night of fading stars,
And a legacy of clouds..

Why, hello there.  I can’t believe it’s been a long time since I last blogged.  Almost two weeks, isn’t it?  Well, hopefully that will not happen again.  I’ve come to realize that when I write my thoughts down it helps with my stress levels.  So perhaps i will make more of an effort to blog and write entries in my diary.

I went to see my grandmother at the funeral home on Sunday, because that was when the viewing was set up.  It was so strange seeing her looking so lifeless and pale.  I touched her hands and forehead, and they were bone-chilling cold.

She looked as though she was in some sort of deep slumber or coma.  As I looked at her lying there in the coffin, I couldn’t help but think she was going to wake up.  That thought was quickly abandoned though, because I remembered she was dead.  I have never had to go to a viewing before for a family member.  It was as strange as it was sad.

On Monday I went to her funeral with my parents and sister.  We gathered together with some of her friends and family.  I got really annoyed when the priest was leading the funeral procession/ceremony.  Firstly, he was quite dull and did not know my grandmother at all.  Secondly, my sister and I were supposed to offer a few words in remembrance for her, and we never got the chance to do so.  He ended to ceremony before we even got a chance to speak!  We stayed up pretty late working on our “farewell speech” as well..

None of that matters anymore though.  Now that I know she is buried and resting in peace, I can breathe a little easier.  She led a good life and will always be missed.  It will take my family and I a while to adjust to her absence, but I’m sure we will in time.

Cheers.  Back to the MCAT studying!

Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away in anger, walk away in pain
Walk away from life itself, walk into the rain

Today I received some very sad news before I went to my classes. My mother told me that my grandmother passed away in the hospital this morning. She was in so much tears and pain that it was so sad. I could not stop thinking about my family and how each person would react when they’d hear the news.

My grandmother was a huge part of our family. She helped raise my sister and I since we were born. Not once did she ever complain about doing anything that was asked of her. She served her family, my family, and so many people during her lifetime. It is with great sadness that I accept that she is gone..

Everything in the kitchen reminds me of her. She used to sweep the floor every morning, fill the hot water dispenser, tidy up the table and counter top, and do a lot of household chores. We never asked her to do any of it, because she was so old. Until she was checked into the hospital, she tried to keep herself as busy as possible, so as not to get bored.

I couldn’t concentrate very well in class today after hearing the news. I know I have to study and do work, but I really want to grieve. Her death comes at a terrible time when my MCAT is just a month away..

Cheers.

The world’s on fire, it’s more than I can handle
I’ll tap into the water, try and bring my share
Try to bring more, more than I can handle
Bring it to the table
Bring what I am able…

So, my grandmother is still in the hospital.  It’s been more than a week since she was admitted and she is still having some trouble.  Although she did show good signs during the week, it seems as though she rebounded back to her original state.

We went to visit her last evening and it was so hard watching her struggle with the stomach pains.  My parents, sister, and I were talking about what she could possibly have, and we all drew blanks.  This is in no way indicative of gas, acid reflux, or any common stomach problems, friends.

She has trouble now going to the bathroom and has to use a little “potty-chair” type thing.  It’s a struggle getting her out of bed alone.  My mom, sister, and I had to hold on to her and help her to her feet.  She is so weak now that she can barely even do anything for herself.  It frightens me seeing her like this, because I know that I may one day be like this as well.

The surgeon is apparently supposed to come in and take a look at her today.  My parents are going to try to be there to talk to her.

Cheers.

Please take me dancing tonight, I’ve been all on my own,
You promised one day we could, it’s what you said on the phone,
I’m just a prisoner of love always hid from the light,
Please take me dancing, please take me dancing tonight…

Well, it seems as though the weather has been warming up quite nicely since summer officially started! It’s really good to have some more sunshine and less gray skies. I cannot wait until the good days come and I am finished studying for my MCAT. I want to go outside so badly and not be stuck inside all the time.

My family was joking with me the other night that I looked a bit on the pale side this summer. I normally get some kind of tan after being outside and end up looking a nice shade of brown. However, seeing as though I am mostly indoors this time of the year, it is a bit doubtful that I’ll get a tan. Self-tanning lotions, anyone?

Earlier on today my mum called me on my cell and I missed her call. She told me that my grandma was not feeling very well and had some stomach pains. By the time I got her message on my voicemail, it was already too late for her to come and get me. So I called my dad only to find out that she was leaving the house to take grandma to the hospital. Apparently they had gone to the doctor’s office and been told that she might have an obstructed bowel.

When my sister, Kim, and I got home, we made dinner and then saved some for mum, since she was still at the hospital with grandma. A couple of hours ago dad, Kim, and I went to see them at the emergency wing. I swear, I have never seen her looking so frail. Her fingers were crossed over her tiny chest and her breathing was hard. She had to go for a CT scan shortly after we visited her and will not get the results back for a while.

I am at home now as I am writing this, because mum insisted that me and my sister go home. She said there wasn’t much we could do, and dad said he would stay with her. I really hope that grandma is all right and does not have to stay there for the night. From my experience of staying at a hospital overnight, I must confess that it can be lonely. I’ll try to visit her tomorrow - when I finish volunteering in the surgical department - if she ends up staying.

Cheers! I’m feeling quite drained at the moment.

The starlight…
I will be chasing your starlight…
Until the end of my life
I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore

Can you believe that half of June is already over? As of next week, it will officially be summertime! It is ridiculous how quickly this time is going by. Half of my vacation is over already, but it has been amazing so far.

Yesterday I went out with some of my best high school friends for lunch. We went to this restaurant that had Thai, Malaysian, and Singaporean food. It was so delicious that I want to go back there again some time soon. The food had so much flavour in it and I enjoyed the spiciness. It was a different kind of spice than I am accustomed to eating, but it was a nice change.

I have been thinking lately that I really need to get a new hobby or try something different. It has been a bit boring doing the same kinds of things year after year. Perhaps I will attempt to make cooking into a hobby, or use something as an outlet for creativity. Do you ever feel as though you are inspired but do not know how to channel your inspiration?

Cheers!  Today happens to be Father’s Day, so I think I am going to try and spend some time with Dad.

Days of burning sun
Watch the colours run
Into pools that catch the eye
Disappear as you pass by…

This weekend is supposed to be a hot one. It is going to feel like 40 degrees Celsius apparently. I am certainly not a fan of such hot weather, but I will concede that it is time we had some. It has been pretty cold and gray throughout the month of May. Isn’t summer supposed to be around the corner..?

Nothing new has been happening with me as of late. I have just been really tired for some reason. Maybe I am dehydrated and am also not getting enough sleep? I will admit that there have been some nights were I woke up at multiple times. :/ Can’t say for certain why this fatigue has just suddenly come up in my daily routine. Do you by any chance have any tips about beating afternoon slumps? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Lately I have been feeling the urge to go shopping. I have no idea why this has sprung up either, but maybe it is because I am getting sick of my current wardrobe. Normally my friends and family accuse me of dressing too professionally (ie: like a businesswoman). Recently my wardrobe has consisted of a lot of clothing that is more casual than casual. It would really be nice to have that equilibrium between too casual and too formal!

Next week the timetable is going to be posted for courses offered for 2008/2009 at the university I go to. In the past I have been a bit indecisive about what the take, but that does not compare with my indecisiveness this year. It seems as though reading all the course reviews has not been of much help. Almost all of the courses of interest to me have gotten mixed reviews. We are not talking about mostly good or mostly bad, but half and half! What is a girl to do in such a case?

Better get back to the books. I need to finish up the work I have yet to do for this week.

Cheers!

For all that’s to come
We’re back to the board
With every shade under the sun
Let’s make it a good one..

I finally got around to upgrading Wordpress to the latest edition, and I am really glad I did. The issue with the comments page seems to be resolved now. Perhaps there was some sort of bug in the older version? Well, in any case, whatever was wrong is now fixed.

This weekend is going to be a fabulous one. My sister is finally coming back from Ireland! She studies there for the better part of the year and spends summer at home with us. I am so excited to see her again! Although modern technology allows you to webcam with anyone in the world, it just is not the same as seeing someone in person. Hopefully she will not miss her flight like she did last year!

Another reason why I am really looking forward to this weekend is because we are having a barbecue tomorrow afternoon. It will be fun having a family get-together after so long. I really do love those kinds of moments with my family, as they always have awesome stories to tell.

I have been reading the news a lot lately in preparation for the writing sample of the MCAT. Needless to say, I do not think I’ve ever been more in touch with the world. It is such a shame that I never really used to read the news much before. It normally angers me whenever I have to watch news networks, because I find them all to be the same. The only ones that are tolerable, in my opinion, are BBC, DW, CBC, and City TV. CNN, Global, ABC, and NBC are just terrible!

Apart from that, I have nothing else to report. I would love to change this theme at some point, but I just need to get some inspiration and time. Maybe when I decide to take a day off from studying I will do just that.

Cheers.

And I’m breakin’ on the balcony
Breakin’ window panes
I’m killing the pain of broken hearts
I’m walking on clouds..
I’m walking on stars..

This has certainly been a very interesting week to say the least. I started my review classes for MCAT and they have been quite intense. I think I will get used to it though once a routine has been set up. Whenever I go to university for the classes, I end up staying there to study in the library. It is really nice, quiet, and perfect. So far it has been paying off, as I have been quite efficient in my work. The challenge now is just to stay motivated until the actual test comes in August.

On another note, I have been trying to learn how to cook from my mum. It’s been good and we have been doing a bit of bonding in the kitchen. I would really love to be able to cook some decent meals by the end of summer - mostly because I’d like to say I did something else besides study! Maybe I could turn it into a hobby and entertain some friends. We will see how it goes..

Speaking of hobbies, I really do miss making fan art and my versions of vectors in Photoshop. I also feel as though I have been really out of touch with the online friends and just the online world. If anyone used to know me back in the days when I ran fansites and are reading this, give me a shout! It would be nice to catch up some time!

Cheers!

I’m not always like this
It’s something, I’ve become
A terrible weakness
In my nature, in my blood..

Hello, hello ladies and gents. I hadn’t realized that it was over a week since I last blogged. No matter, because you will get all the juicy details now about life.

First and guiltily foremost, I have become a fan of the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. It all started when I saw a lot of artists making manipulations for the novel. I kept wondering, why was everyone so fixated on a mere relationship between a girl and a boy? And then I discovered where all the hype came from. It turns out (as many of you probably know) that the relationship was between a girl and a 100 year old vampire. Upon discovering this fact, I had to read up on the series.

As I read more and more about the series, I became eager to read the novels in the series and see the new movie out. Now, because I could not get a copy of the first novel, Twilight, I had to do something! So, what I decided to do was watch the teaser trailer and all the interviews from various sets of the movie. Needless to say, I loved what I saw and have now joined the ranks of “twilighters” (or whatever Twilight fans call themselves!).

It’s just too bad that the movie won’t come out until some time in December! I hate it whenever a trailer for a really good movie is released and you have to wait. It is especially terrible when you are obsessed with what you are waiting for. ;p I guess what I will have to do is find some other series or movie to obsess over in the mean time. Anyone plan on seeing the second Chronicles of Narnia film? If the Half-Blood Prince was not coming out in November, I would have turned my attention to it a bit more!

All right, that is enough fangirl behaviour from me for this blog.

Thanks, by the way, to those of you who noticed the coding error on the comments page. I am not sure why it is doing that and intend to find out. I will try to fix the error as soon as possible, in between my studying breaks.

As for those of you who were wondering what I did for Mother’s Day, I shall tell you. ;p I ended up buying my mum a pretty Hallmark card from Wal-Mart, and making her some yummy pancakes with dried cranberries and chai tea from scratch. It did not take me as long as I thought it would have, so I was happy! Within an hour and a bit, they were ready for her taste buds hot off of the stove! I was proud of myself for trying something new this year, as opposed to the traditional cake and flowers shindig.

Well, it’s time for me to get back to some MCAT studying. After August 9th I will be free!

Cheers.